The Secret Life of Hillary Mitty

The desolation of network television will grow riveting once NBC celebrity Brian Williams lands his big interview with media-darling Hillary Clinton.  The in-depth encounter is destined to play out along these lines:

HC: Sorry I’m late … my plane was shot down.

BW: No apology needed.  Happens all the time.

HC: There was a time my pilots had to corkscrew into Tuzla.

BW: I prefer bailing out.

HC: Well, I rush the cockpit and take the yoke.

BW: Indeed?  Then I gather you’re a flyer of substantial experience.

HC: Well, isn’t that the measure of a great Secretary of State?  I logged many miles.

BW: And your husband, the former president: you know the press corps boasts he’s a member of the mile-high club?

HC: Really?  I guess I wasn’t along on that trip.

BW: I’m sure you were seeing to vital matters.

HC: Yes–our consulate in Benghazi, maybe.

BW: Fascinating.  I’ve heard rumors of your heroics there.

HC: What difference does it make?  But I tried to stop them.

BW: Them?

HC: Guys out for a walk that evening, angry about some tasteless YouTube video.  They left graffiti all over.

BW: I was en route for a live remote when they shot my chopper with an RPG.

HC: Again?

BW: Happens all the time.

HC: What are the chances?  By the way, did I mention Sir Edmund Hillary?

BW: Sir Ed?  Why, he conquered Everest in ’53; I did last Tuesday.

HC: Wow … You know I was named for him back in 1947?  That’s why I should be elected president.

BW:  Because you were born in ’47?

HC: No.  Because we’ve never had a president named for a mountain climber.

BW: Interesting … Has it occurred to you that we hadn’t had a black president until justice prevailed and we elected Barack?

HC: Barack?  Barack who?

BW: Barack Obama.  Ever meet him?

HC: No, no I haven’t.  But honestly, Brian, I keep so busy I actually lose track of who’s in the White House.

BW: I’m sure America understands … So thank you, Madame Secretary, this certainly has been insightful for my viewer.

HC: Such probing questions … and look!  My space shuttle’s just landing to get me.  Off to rule the world ….

BW: And wouldn’t you know I hear army Chinooks approaching for me.  Off to invent malarkey ….